What Rom-Coms Can Teach Us About Dating IRL
For fervent fans of romantic comedy films, how can lessons in love from these movies be applied to their own lives?
Dating coach Lily Womble sees them as a chance to take back your power and live your life with intention. After working in feminist-related nonprofits and dedicating time to aiding women and girls, Womble’s mission of contributing to the well-being of women continued with a role as a matchmaker. Although Womble found success in her field, she discovered that long-term satisfaction with matchmaking was limited for clients, and subsequently began an independent venture in dating coaching. This eventually led to creating Date Brazen, a dating service in which she guides women to becoming their own expert matchmakers.
A huge fan of romantic comedies herself, Womble references Legally Blonde (2001) as an example of an empowering movie for audiences. The character of Elle Woods’ transition from finding worth in being loved to standing in your power independently is what Womble says reaching your personal potential is all about.
“That's classic, a classic pivot [in] defining your worth,” Womble said of Legally Blonde. “As in, ‘Does this man love me?’ pivoting to, ‘What do I actually care about and what do I have to contribute to this world?’ That is really powerful.”
The popularity of rom-coms in our culture has grown over time, and has especially seen a resurgence on streaming services such as Netflix or Hulu, with movies like Always Be My Maybe (2019), To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018), or Palm Springs (2020) being released in recent years.
“It’s important for viewers to enjoy these films while remembering that being in a relationship doesn’t increase one’s value, and by focusing on your growth, you are stepping into a space which will allow the right partner to enter into your life. ”
“As the [person] that you're growing into, you are your own circumstance…[people should] really claim that and [say], ‘Maybe I haven't been in the romantic relationship that I've always wanted, but I know that I'm a great friend,’” Womble said. “I know that I'm a great person….[and] I know that I am becoming and growing into who I want to be and that expansiveness will attract the right people.”
Womble also hopes that mainstream rom-coms continue to increase their cast and crew diversity. A shift from patriarchal points of view to a more wide-ranging perspective will not only let audiences feel seen and heard, but can advance deep-rooted patriarchal structures throughout our society.
“It's not just about women feeling equal to men and feeling like they can take up their space,” Womble said. “It's about acknowledging the the systems at play that are oppressing women of color, queer women...There's a lot of patriarchal stuff going on in the narratives that we see... and so I think it's important to note that we're just beginning the conversation in wide stream media media about how to portray complex female stories.”
Date Brazen offers a four-month program for women to break unhealthy relationship patterns, build boundaries, and tune into your intuition in order for the right kind of love to be able to enter your life. In her dating coaching approach, Womble urges women to look at their love lives with optimism and ease, knowing that fate will align for the right relationship when the time is right. Similar to the serendipitous meet cutes in romantic comedies, the relationship that’s meant for you ultimately won’t miss you.
“What if I couldn't say the wrong thing to the right person?” Womble said of the mindset she advises clients. “[It’s about] allowing [these] ideas to take up more space in your brain and to say, ‘What if I couldn't say the wrong thing to the right person? What if I was in the flow with exactly where I should be and exactly who I should be right now?’”
Everyone loves a good “happily ever after” scene in a romantic comedy. A When Harry Met Sally (1989) love confession, or a Crazy Rich Asians (2018) airplane proposal are chances for audiences to fantasize about the perfect close in their own personal relationships. The goal with improving your mindset in relation to how you date, however, should not be that you end up in a picture-perfect union. Womble says the real prize lies in gaining the courage to convey what you desire in life and go after it wholeheartedly.
“A relationship is the cherry on top,” Womble said. “The success, [or] the ‘end of the movie’ for all of my clients, looks like incredible confidence, incredible boundary-setting tools and ability, [and] new ways of courageously communicating what you need. If it were a movie, I would imagine, they [would] do this work and then you see the road trip across the country as they move to the city they've always wanted to live in and they start living the life that they didn't know they could… That's what success looks like.”
To learn more about Womble, visit her site here or her Instagram page.
Devin Herenda is an award-winning multimedia journalist and emerging entertainment industry writer based in Los Angeles.
A 2020 recipient of the Society of Professional Journalists Lisa A. Davidson Memorial Scholarship and broadcast journalism major at CSU Northridge, Devin has written for various publications including myBurbank News and Rom Com Fest.
Devin is bicoastal as a native Californian with New Jersey roots and enjoys music, fashion, and all things rom-coms.
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