The Best Friend Curse
“In the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are the leading lady, but for some reason, you’re behaving like the best friend.”
When I first started writing this piece, I thought I had an idea in my head that I would explore the notion of the rom-com best friend as always “the bridesmaid, but never the bride.” But as I was delving into this, I realized that message could come across as negative and shallow – which is far from my intention. So I reevaluated my thesis and instead followed a different path which taught me something new about rom-coms. Or, more accurately, opened my eyes to something that was always there, but ironically, I ignored.
Arthur, from The Holiday, captures what the best friend is in the movies, and in particular, the rom-com genre. Every gal needs her bestie. That’s a fact. Sort of. But whilst the message to Iris is endearing and empowering for her to be strong, it suggests that the best friend is just that meek second rate character. If we know rom-coms, oh and I think we all do, we have some general picture of the female best friend archetype (just putting the men aside for this article – no disrespect intended).
When this well-known archetype is introduced to the story, she is not usually featured a lot. She serves a purpose of supporting the heroine through her struggles. Though that is sweet, the way in which these women are portrayed do not do them much justice. I have deduced that these women besties are split into two generic categories: the single ones or the married ones. If they are the former, they are usually a bit quirky, they can be clingy or sexually liberal, a little bit weird. If the latter, then they can either be madly in love with their spouse or deeply bored and therefore live vicariously through their best friend’s exciting love life. In terms of looks, well, it hurts to say, but they are often made to look less attractive than the female leads. This is of course far from the actual truth because these women are beautiful. In a twisted way, these female characters are either used to highlight how the heroines are so special and unique, or to highlight that they do not have their life together. Either way, it frustrates me that this is the role of these characters.
This portrayal undermines the viewer’s capacity to understand that the story is about Suzanne*, but her best friend Mildred* is just as amazing and wonderful (*these are made up character names). We do not need to watch a film where one woman is put down to make another look better. And we as an audience not only can handle more, we deserve more than that. I have come to realize that the better and more clever rom-coms recognize this and use it as a way to strengthen their story.
I am not certain when in the rom-com movie history timeline this archetype started. But somewhere, somehow, it has made it onto our screens. I am not saying that the films which have this are not entertaining and fun. But I believe it is what separates them from being truly iconic and just good stories. There are plenty of films which have utilized this archetype so well into the story, that we get a sense of them as their own character, without it compromising or taking away from the leading lady. They are not as well developed as the heroine, but still, they have their own rightful story line. A particular one which springs to mind is When Harry Met Sally, where the amazing Carrie Fisher portrays Marie. Although the focus is largely on Harry and Sally (sorry, stating the obvious here) we still learn about Marie, we like her and care about her.
But sadly, this is not always gifted to a fair few of our rom-com besties. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, What Happens in Vegas and 27 Dresses. These are films which I like, as they are entertaining, fun and charming, but the writing chooses to depict the best friends as stereotypes as mere tools. The premise of the 2015 teen comedy, The DUFF, explores the role of the “Designated Fat Ugly Friend”, with a reminder that the said friend does not need to be fat or ugly, but is there to make their friends look better. The ending message is lovely and leaves us with this idea that we are all at times the Duff and that there is always someone prettier or smarter. Certainly, whilst this is something we all have to accept it should not affect how we value ourselves. However, in the films mentioned, they do not seem to carry the same message through the best friends. We are reminded that they simply serve the purpose of being advice givers and make the heroines look better. Once more reiterating the leading lady vs the best friend notion. Even though we are sold the idea that these women are best friends and they support each other, which is wonderful, it also essentially pits and compares women against each other, when in fact it ought to show that a heroine can still shine when the story is about her, without needing her very own DUFF.
So, my hope? That the stories which choose to include the best friend, will give us a real and just portrayal of this character and try and break away from the stereotype. Someone Great is a wonderful example of how strong female bonds work, all the while having a clear leading lady. And although not all great rom-coms have best friends, I think what we all need to remember that we have our time in life when we will play the leading lady, and a time, when we are the best friend – but whichever it is, we are still just as strong and beautiful.
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